illyria_rpg | Welcome to the Illyria!

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Welcome to the Illyria!

Stardate 58561.8: Day One

Now that you've all got your room assignments and communicators, it's time to explore this ship. Please check out the deck plans to figure out where you're going. You can read about some of the existing crew members you might run into here.

Even those of you who may feel right at home on a spaceship will find that the Illyria is definitely a bit... different. Mostly because she's kind of a wreck right now. Whatever it was that threw the ship all the way out here to wherever we are, it really did a number on the ship itself. There's a lot of damaged areas, and several of the ship's systems have been compromised. You'll find that the replicators don't always work right (I asked for hasperat and I got pok tar!?), the turbolifts are unusually persnickety (I said bridge, not engineering!), and the environmental controls in your quarters may not do as they're told (why is it snowing in Room 4J?). Several corridors are blocked by debris, and more often than not the lights are flickering if they're on at all.

So what will you do? Help clean up the mess in the hallways? Try some bizarre alien food in the mess hall? Try and infiltrate restricted areas to get a peek at the ship's systems? Feel free to make your own top level comment, and treat this as a big mingle. Get to know your new crewmates, explore your new home, make friends or enemies, and whatever you do, don't try the gagh. If you need the captain or the first officer, please let a mod know, but try and stick to threading with your fellow new recruits!

(Don't worry about the entry tags for the moment, they will be added shortly. Before we throw ourselves into missions on alien planets, we wanted everyone to have a chance to get to know one another, so please use this opening log as an opportunity to kick off some CR with crewmates and bunk buddies, and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask a mod!)

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At least he wasn't pulling away. Peggy wanted to maintain contact as long as possible, even if it wasn't exactly the most appropriate thing she'd ever done - she sensed Bucky needed it.

"Of course," she said without hesitation. "But I don't have to stay, either, if that's easier. If your own room isn't suitable, then where else will you sleep?"

Were they holding hands? It kinda felt like they were holding hands, and that probably ought to be awkward. Weren't you only supposed to hold hands with your girl? She was Steve girl. Or had been.

God, socializing was so fucking confusing sometimes. It felt like everyone else had been handed a rulebook to memorize, but his had been torn to pieces and he only had bits from here and there.

She'd started the contact, so he decided he wasn't pulling away until she did, or it became problematic. Her hand was so small in his, and he could feel the warmth even through his glove.

"I'll figure something out. It's okay." He shook his head. "I can take care of myself. Been doing it for two years, now, and I'm managing okay. This... this place actually might not be such a bad thing, if even half what they say is true. There's no HYDRA here."

They were holding hands, and it was a bit awkward, but Peggy was working through it for the good of mankind. Humankind. Mostly Buckykind actually.

She nodded, eyebrows pinched with worry. She did believe Bucky could take care of himself, but should he have to? At least he did seem hopeful about all this, and she could understand why, given his reason. "You're right, it does seem that even if things aren't all they appear, at least there's no HYDRA," she said, smiling wryly. "So if you're sure. Just know... you don't have to do it all yourself. You and Steve... you were both always so stubborn that way." As was Peggy, if she were honest with herself.

Thanks, Buck, but I can get by on my own.

Thing is, you don't have to. I'm with you 'til the end of the line, pal.

The memory hit him so hard and sudden Bucky lost his breath for a moment. That particular one always struck him hard. Maybe because it was the one that had shaken him free of the Winter Soldier's control for a critical moment. Maybe because it had meant so much to both of them.

Then finish it. 'Cause I'm with you to the end of the line.

A shudder ran through him, and Bucky hastily dropped her hand before he could crush her without meaning to. "He was worse," he asserted, trying to cover the emotional stumble. He had a feeling he was failing miserably. "Never could take a helping hand unless you bludgeon him with it."

Peggy's eyes widened when she saw the reaction, that shudder that seemed to move his entire being, and the way he suddenly let go of her. She reached for him reflexively, but then let her hands drop, pursing her lips with worry. She had made a mistake, it seemed, but she wasn't quite sure what she'd done.

"I'm not so sure," she said softly, covering her own concern with a sardonic, but gentle smile.

Focusing on keeping his breath steady, Bucky quelled the aftershocks of the flashback. Seeing her worry, he even managed something resembling a smile of reassurance in response.

"Oh, trust me. I'm a lot more likely to accept help than Steve ever was. It's just, that ain't a very high bar."

One more deep breath, and he had full control of himself again. He shook his head. "Flashback. Happens sometimes. It's fine, I want the memories back. Just catches me by surprise if I'm not careful."

Even though he'd already had both of those particular memories, and even though one of them was a bad one, all memories were precious to him.

Peggy's expression cleared with understanding, and she nodded, smiling gently. "Of course. You're not the only soldier who came back from the war with shellshock, and you've got more of a reason than most to have it." She imagined for him, his war had gone on a lot longer than hers.

She drew a breath. "Perhaps we should both return to helping with the damage, but you'll contact me through these communicators if there's anything I can do, won't you?"

Edited 2016-08-03 01:19 (UTC)

"Shellshock. Yeah, I guess that's one word for it." Bucky was pretty sure the term didn't even begin to cover what was wrong with him. Shellshock didn't take into account the fact that HYDRA had literally fucked with his head, for one thing. But it was a good enough description for now.

He reached out again, unable to stop himself and not really wanting to, and brushed a hand over her shoulder in a brief, reassuring grip. "Yeah. For sure. You, too, okay? Steve'll never forgive me if I don't watch your back here." Of that much, he was certain.

She smiled faintly at the touch, and then her brows arched in surprise. "What, is that the only reason?" she teased, missing the fact that he'd referred to Steve in the present tense. "Just so you know, I'll be watching your back, as well. And not just because he would have wanted me to."

"Not the only reason," he asserted, shaking his head. "And he'd kick my ass just as fast for not helping any of the Commandos, not just you. Still, the last thing I wanna do is piss him off." He managed a smile, but it was decidedly ragged around the edges. "We've had enough things come between us, lately. I don't wanna fight him again."

Ever again. Bucky would never, ever forget the sight of his friend broken and bleeding beneath him.

Her eyes widened, then narrowed in confusion. She couldn't make any of what he'd just said make sense. Even if Bucky didn't know that Steve was dead and he was referring to something that had happened during the war, she couldn't figure out what incident he could be referring to. "What do you mean?"

The time difference thing still had him turned around; it didn't really occur to him that she wouldn't know Steve was alive.

Or that he maybe shouldn't be telling her so, in case she did get back to her own time and then messed things up by finding him too early. Then again, she already knew Bucky was alive, and was just as likely to save him too early.

If there was such a thing as 'too early', in his case.

"HYDRA sent me to kill him. I nearly did, but he saved me and I... It woke me up. Brought me back to myself enough that I ran. I been running ever since, trying to stay away from HYDRA and the authorities. But I never wanna fight him again."

Peggy hesitated. The more he explained, the less that made sense. Maybe Bucky was misunderstanding something, or misremembering something. "But Bucky..." she said gently, picking her words as best she could. "I'm very sorry but... Steve died. His plane went down shortly after you were lost. HYDRA couldn't've sent you to kill him."

It finally dawned on Bucky that she didn't know. He was brought up short, looking down at her with his brow furrowed, trying to quickly sort through what she would and wouldn't know, and what he should tell her.

"Steve survived the crash," he told her. "He was frozen, but the serum kept him alive. They dug him out a few years ago, and when they thawed him, he woke up." So the history books and the Smithsonian said. Bucky had no reason to disbelieve them.

The words made no sense at first. It all just came out of left field to such a degree that Peggy was left blinking helplessly at him for a long moment. Then her eyes filled with tears and she raised a hand to her mouth again.

"Oh my god... is he all right?"

The threat of tears made his eyes widen and shoulders tense. He had no idea how to handle a crying woman, beyond a vague notion that he was supposed to do something to comfort her.

The best he could offer was words. "Yeah, he's fine. Stubborn as ever. Leading a new team, saving the world." He grimaced in a way that didn't quite manage to be a smile. "Still ready to throw his life away if it means saving me, the idiot. Maybe he figures it worked out so well when he tried it in the 40s, he'll get an even better reaction now."

Now she was smiling, though it was bittersweet. "I'd be surprised if it were otherwise." She dabbed lightly at her shimmering eyes and dismissed the tears quickly, not wanting to burden Bucky with that sort of thing. "That's wonderful, that you two are reunited."

That made Bucky twitch, and he looked away again. "Not exactly. I spent a couple years just trying to bury myself, learn to be a human again instead of a weapon. I wasn't ready to face him. He finally caught up to me just before I was brought here - stopped the United Nations from killing me, but turned himself into a criminal in the process, the idiot."

That was the kind of person Steve was, though. He would never not help a friend. Even with Bucky actively trying to push him away, Steve had still refused to let him go down alone.

"He's Captain America, though. I doubt they'll keep him down long. And with me gone, he's got no reason to keep fighting them."

Edited 2016-08-16 05:00 (UTC)

That made Peggy want to cry again. She pressed her hands together and looked down, lips tightening. "I doubt he regrets one thing he did, and I can't imagine that he's happy that you're gone, Bucky. But it's your choice whether to return to him or not, of course."

"Oh, I know he doesn't regret it. And I know he's not happy that I'm gone. Doesn't mean it might not be for the best, for both of us. The last thing I want is for him to have to choose between me and the new life he's built, to have to throw everything away because he feels he has to protect me."

And Steve would do exactly that, Bucky had no doubt. Everything he'd learned about the man, every memory he'd managed to pry loose from his shattered mind, told him that.

Peggy paused, then laughed, looking down at the floor and shaking her head. "You two are so alike," she said finally, looking up with her eyes sparkling with mirth as much as sadness.

"Only in the ways that count." Bucky's answering smile was his most genuine yet, for all that shadows still haunted his eyes. "I mean, we did pretty much live in each other's pockets for twenty years. But you know how Steve is. Always puts himself last. I don't wanna be the one he loses everything for, this time."

Peggy liked to see the smile. It gave her some hope, at least. "I understand... I was just remembering how, after you fell, I did have to give Steve a lecture. He blamed himself for letting you come on the missions, believing that that caused your death. I told him that he had to respect your choices, that you must have thought Steve was worth it, and to shoulder the blame in that way disrespected your choice." She arched a brow. "And now I feel like giving you the same lecture."

It didn't surprise Bucky in the least that Steve had needed a lecture about something like that. "Well, you were right. I'd have followed him even if I knew what was coming. But it's my choice now not to put him in that position again."

He shrugged. "Prob'ly a moot point anyway. Finding a way to send us home isn't all that high on their priority list, seems like. I'm just saying, for me it ain't the end of the world, ending up here. Nobody's hunting me, here."

Peggy nodded, inclining her head. She couldn't fault him for that, even if it made her sad for Steve. "You're probably right," she said, patting him gently on the arm. "But I hope you won't be a stranger so long as I'm here."

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